Confessions of a joy skeptic
For anyone who doesn’t like joy.
I get it. That used to be me, too.
I used to kind of hate joy. Found it annoying. And dumb. I'm embarrassed to admit that I lumped those who enjoyed it into one big category of Over-Joyful and judged them as out of touch with the hard realities of life.
Joy was so distant that I forgot what it felt like. Happiness too.
That's changed, though. I'm not saying I now walk around bubbling with joy, but I do regularly feel it in small doses, even when things are difficult. If you're like I used to be and haven't experienced it in a while, here's a quick reminder: a spontaneous smile, a lifting upward, a happiness to be here.
Here's what I've discovered along the way.
Big Joy can be a bit much, especially for a person feeling stuck in a not-so-joyful life. It can be hard to feel the joy itself, but I actually found this more difficult: the return from the occasional miracle of Big Joy to a not-so-joyful life can be super painful.
I'd be left wondering why life felt so miserable (and not more like joy), which made me feel worse.
The hangover from Big Joy made me not want to feel it at all.
But now I know that life isn't just difficulties—joy should also be a part of our life experience. Even during difficult times. How else are we going to make it through?
Back in September 2024, Nick Cave asked readers of The Red Hand Files a question about joy (here's the brief version):
Where or how do you find your joy?
Thousands of people from all over the planet replied: The Red Hand Files: Joy
Real people in real lives with real approaches to joy. Pretty amazing, really.
What I’ve been learning is that Small Joy, Micro Joy even, works better for me than Big Joy. It’s some kind of new pattern of thinking and feeling. Small Joy occurs more often, interweaving with whatever else is going on in my life. All without the hangover. It’s quieter and maybe not as thrilling as Big Joy, but looking at my years in reverse, I find it thrilling that it occurs at all.
Wishing you just the right amount of joy.
Complement with What’s a Sparkstrom Anyway?